Dear body, I love you because…..

……you have given me two amazing and beautiful children. Everyday I look at them and know that I am truly blessed. Infertility is affecting family very close to me so I love my body all the more for providing me with two miracles.

And that is it ☹️

Between my body and my brain I am just in this viscous cycle going round and round, hating myself for the way my body looks, eating to make me feel better and then hating myself a little bit more because I can’t find the will power, the strength, the motivation or the inspiration to change my thinking and, in turn, my eating.

I have had a couple of breakthroughs in the last week or so: 1) noticing that I was eating to avoid getting hungry and telling myself it is okay to feel hunger!! 2) noticing that I don’t judge my husband EVER for the way he looks, I love him for who he is, and maybe he is the same!!!

But even with that second breakthrough I then ruin it by thinking okay so just relax about how you look and then I immediately worry that if I relax I’ll pile on the pounds. I just don’t seem to be able to find the positive that is going to steer me in the right direction.

This feels like it is starting to consume me!! 

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