It may sound obvious but my body is me! It takes me places, allows me to do things, it has given me two beautiful children. But my body also feels like my enemy sometimes, it doesn’t look how I want it to look and I beat myself up about making it look how I want it to!
I started writing this post probabLy a couple of weeks ago and inbetween the last paragraph and this one I have been away on a weeks family holiday. It was a fantastic holiday, I really enjoyed quality time with my husband and my children. BUT, almost the entire holiday was overshadowed my the negative thoughts I was having about myself. I felt fat and disgusting!! We went on an all inclusive holiday and I ate like a machine and then had the most horrendous self-hate afterwards!! I have been itching to get back to this blog because I do feel that it is having an impact, it is really making my think and question myself and take a different perspective on the subject of emotional eating.
To go back to the original question for this post, what is my body? It is a temple of doom! I want it to be a temple, but at this moment in time it is shrouded by negativity. And how do I connect food and body? In the most horrendous fashion! In fact it could be said that I abuse my body with food!
I want it to stop. I spent a lot of time on my holiday reflecting on how I spend my evening eating all of the worst food there is and how if I cut that out I could use the money for a gym or swim membership and channel the money into a much more positive outcome. I still feel that it is not right for me at the moment to go back to slimming world and again I would like to use that money for something much more rewarding. But I want to continue to use the principles of food optimising to bring balance into my diet. I want to stop getting on the scales and start trying to get back into my winter wardrobe that I unearthed before we went on holiday. I have six pairs of jeans upstairs and I am sure I couldn’t fit into one pair. But my plan is to pluck up the courage to try them on and rank them in order of how close I am to fitting in them – they will be my gauge! I want to eat well – enjoying healthy balanced meals and snacks and enjoying the occasional treat. I want to exercise more – I have reached week 6 of the C25K challenge and I haven’t stopped surprising myself with how much I have enjoyed it. I feel like I am gradually developing I love for exercise, I am really noticing the impact it has had on my mental wellbeing. I want to spend time on myself, with my husband and with my family doing this we enjoy rather than eating things we enjoy!